The Lighter Side

[ryos]

You guys crack me up.

But Freddy... :o...

What

and

Watt

use a different

a

sound! Or at least, *I* pronounce them differently; that may not actually be grammatically correct.

Here's one that's not funny, but it IS soothing. I watched the movie, thinking it was (impressive) CGI; then I read the description below it; apparently it's real... :o

http://www.kodama.hc.uec.ac.jp/spiral/

[Freddy]

ryos wrote:

What

and

Watt

use a different

a

sound!

In a matter of fact, in perfect English from Cambridge or Oxford they say:

hwat

!

[samskelton]

Abott and costello always crack me up!!! ;D

[Psychotronic]

I used to listen to the

Who's on First?

sketch when I was going to sleep at night. I had the whole thing memorized for a while. Good stuff.

[VernJensen]

Here's another one. Want more? Like I said, I got tons of this stuff.

--------------

Classified Ads (Actual excerpts from classified sections of city newspapers)

Illiterate? Write today for free help.

Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go
anywhere again.

Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.

Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks
included.

Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.

Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.

Stock up and save. Limit: one.

Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.

3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.

Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient
beating.

Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and
salary.

Dinner Special - Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00

For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.

Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home,
too.

We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.

For sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.

Great Dames for sale.

Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.

Vacation Special: have your home exterminated. Get rid of aunts. Zap does the
job in 24 hours.

Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns
toast.

For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.

Man, honest. Will take anything.

Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first.

Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.

Wanted: Hair cutter. Excellent growth potential.

Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.

Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.

Wanted. Widower with school age children requires person to assume general
housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.

And now, the Superstore-unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled
inconvenience.

We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home

What is mind? It doesn't matter. What is matter? Never mind.

- Homer Simpson

So Shut Up, Live, Travel, Adventure, Bless, And Don't Be Sorry.

- Jack Kerouac

(My favorite is from the Eglin Eagle...)

For Sale: 2000 pound wench.

[VernJensen]

One more... and this one has some good advice!

[Wingy]

I've seen quite alot of those around my house at hallowe'en... :

I've got a joke...

One day, a newfoundlander (a person from a place in Canada where lots of people think they talk strangly) was on a plane. And I lawyer who sat beside him wanted to play a question game with him that involves money. The newfy (Short for newfoundlander) doesn't want to.

Lawyer: Cmon, this will be fun!
Newfy: No, I want to sleep.
Lawyer: I'll tell you the rules. I'll ask you a question and if you can't answer is you give me $5.
The newfy snorts and tries to go back to sleep thinking it's a bad game.
Lawer: And if you ask me a question and I can't answer it, I give you $500.
The newfy perks up abit.
Newfy: I guess that sounds fair. I'll give it o' shot. You go first.
Lawyer: Ok! Who killed JF King?
Newfy: How do you expect me to know that? I'm Canadian!
So the newfy pulls out $5 and gives it to him.
Newfy: Ok. My turn...
The newfy thinks for abit.
Newfy: Ok, what goes up a hill on 4 legs and down on 5?
The lawyer thinks for a moment. He goes onto his laptop computer and looked it up. Nothing. Then he googled it. No luck. Then he called his smart friends, they didn't know. Then he e-mail some friends. They all replyed not knowing.
Lawyer: Ok, I miss-judged you.
And gives him $500 out of his briefcase.
The newfy thought,

Wow, this is the easiest money I made since I tricked that bum!

Then the newfy starts going back asleep.
Lawyer: ...-wait, aren't you going to tell me?
Newfy: Tell you what?
Layer: What goes up hill on 4 wheels and down on 5!
Then the newfy thinks for a moment and reaches into his pocket and gives him $5.

;D

When I heard this on first, it really cracked me up. May not be on topic, but who cares.

[VernJensen]

Haha, good one!

[Wingy]

I messed up abit on the lawyer's question. Read it again its in bold. It's funnier!